For the better

I've always had this intense fear of being wrong, of hurting someone...the whole idea of thinking just for yourself doesn't make sense to me. But i'm trying to change...for the better.

You haven't changed...and I deserve better than that. I don't care about it anymore, so stop trying. I've moved on to something better; better than you will ever be.

Proved you wrong on all accounts.

Frustrated

Up at 5am and moving til 9pm, welcome to the life of an adult right? I've always said I've loved having multiple jobs and loved being busy...and don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy how things are going right now. But today and yesterday were beyond frustrating...my problem is people. The kids I work with are ridiculously messed up partially because of genetic or environmental issues that affected development, but mainly because of their parents. The way parents degrade their kids, don't reprimand them, or just don't care...I don't get it! It makes no sense why someone would have a child...you have to have a license to drive, be a certain age to buy cigarettes or drink alcohol; but absolutely anyone can be a parent. It's ridiculous.
My life has just been a roller coaster this week...had to take my first breathalizer at a party I wasn't even drinking at. I go to parties to be the DD and make sure my friends and people I care about are safe, and yet I get crucified by the cops. Sure they were doing their jobs and have to assume the worse but come on, I'm a good and always have been. It bugs the shit out of me that I try to do the right thing but am guilty by association. Stuck between a rock and hard place...should I just go back to being a loner? And that new crush? Forget about it. Fucked that up somehow too. Feels like I just can't get anything right.

I'm just in that escape mode again. Ready to break free and run away. Sad but true. Get me out of here, please.

Nicky Garcia

I miss my best friend. Way too much. 19 hours between two besties absolutely sucks. Never gets any better :(

I miss you Nicky.

Harry Potter

Every story has a beginning...every story has an ending.

Maybe it's the nerd in me, but I feel like I am coming to the end of an era....Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 comes out in two days and while I am extremely excited to be going to the premier...part of me can't help but be sad. I remember reading the first book while I was in fourth grade. Every car ride since then had us toting all the books and left Katie, Duckie, and I fighting over who would read the new releases first. The movies came out and with the first four or five...we went as a family to see.

Maybe it's because I've grown up with them and realizing that it's over...maybe that's what's making me realize that I'm grown up too. I live alone, I've faced countless obstacles along the way, and I'm much better than I used to be. From eleven to eighteen...the same as Ron, Harry, and Hermione...I've let these books dominate my imagination. I feel like a little kid, someone that will no doubt be made fun of that I still own all seven books and will have all seven movies, feel like a loser for being both happy and sad after 7 years this is the end.

To all the other Harry Potter fans...keep the magic alive.

Butterflies

Dear Tummy, I'm sorry for all the recent butterflies...they aren't my fault; they're his :)

Patience and persistence pays off. It's no secret that I haven't been in shape for any kind of relationship other than friendship for the past few months...then I met someone new. Someone I've always thought was attractive but was too intimidated to talk to...and now we've been talking and hanging out and its such a relief. There's no pressure, no awkwardness; just two shy kids getting to know each other. Sure my nerves and apprehensions are still there but surprisingly...it feels great. I wasn't expecting anything special, but it is amazing how many butterflies can be set off in my tummy just by seeing a name on a phone or hearing a knock at the door.

Time will tell :)

Funny Funny Funny

oh goodness me you are quite special. go ahead and convince your girlfriend you're a nice guy but you've got no-one else fooled. you're lucky that she loves you enough to look past your insecurities, your ego, your degrading humor, and the pathetic way you treat her. i'm not going to take back saying she deserves ten times the man you've show yourself to be. we were friends at one point and it didn't bother me much that we've moved on cause you're an asshole. but let's not send my roommate and your girlfriend to do the dirty work. if you have something to say, say it. if you want something, tell me. grow up you pathetic prick.