Isn't it ironic.

Miss beedizzle murphy i must say you are not alone. not alone in the slightest. 

this is that part where you're not supposed to feel sad
this is the part when you shouldn't feel lonely, the part where you should have confidence in yourself
this is the part where you don't have to hide...the part where you dont have to close the door, don't have to shut the world out...the part where you don't need tears to help you sleep.

its been a rough start to the school year. summer's over...classes have started but i can't help but feel a sense of dread. i still don't know what's wrong with me medically, i'm missing my best friend more and more each day, and i'm finding it pointless to try and make attempts to have new friends. at the same time...i absolutely hate being alone. ironic right?


who knows anymore.

Be you.

"Sometimes you feel like you're going to be tested, sometimes you're gonna feel like you can't take anymore...sometimes you're going to want to quit; but God only gives you the battles He knows you can handle"

Yeah...I wish He didn't trust me so much. Preseason has been a killer so far, three days of three a days with two to go. It's not the fitness that's killing me, I'm beasting with that. Keeping myself in the top three and pushing through the workouts as best I can. My problems are coming from medical issues. My mom thinks I might have mono...again...which I'm praying is not the case. My sister freaks me out even more when she worries and asks questions, and all I know is that I want to get to the doctor and figure out what's wrong with me. I want to be able complete these workouts without feeling utterly exhausted. I want to not feel like I'm putting my health at risk. I don't want to miss any soccer either, dealing with so many injuries in the past I just want the season where we can actually do well not to be one I have to watch from the sidelines. I've worked hard all summer to be in good shape and been working to earn my starting spot...this game means everything to me.

One of my best friends told me he knows I'll be able to handle this cause God knows I can handle it...I hope he's putting his trust in the right person.

For You.

I missed you...more than I thought I would.

When you said you would stop by, I had my reservations. My heart's healed for the most part...but that extra hard thump I got seeing you at the door had me thinking the stitches would burst back open. But we held it together...proved we both still care, and we are capable of being the friends we need in one another.

I never wanted to lose you and I was never going anywhere. I'm glad we're friends.

All these bitches...

"I got a gypsy soul to blame and I was born for leaving..."

--Colder Weather

What a rough week. Went home and hated it...I fight too much with parents and just can't handle being around for more than a couple hours. Then i get ratted out about being ready to leave and now i got these crazy bitches at work and soccer. Control freak much? Get over yourself lady, you'll never be everyone's best friend and you'll never be a friend to me. Get over yourselves!!  I get it, I'm not the easiest person to get along with. Stubborn as hell and probably a handful at times...and that i'm insecure about a lot of stuff. I think people misinterpret my motives and actions all too often. For the most part i'm chill and laid back...sure I act like a kid and get excited about little things but goodness gracious I'm just trying to have fun and live the life of a 20 year old. Cut me some slack, I'll mess up occasionally,...possibly piss some people off. I'm trying...

And people wonder why I enjoy being on my own and ready to get out.