"The greatest battle is not physical but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet, steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going.
--Graeme FifeI love this quote, I think it shows how I'm feeling without me having to say anything.
I've been borderline angry and upset for the past two weeks now. Soccer is in full swing and of course I can't get into a season without some type of injury. This time it's the hamstring...strained it in the last eight minutes of the game and haven't been able to walk properly for two days. But we have a game Friday...so I have to push through it. Aside from soccer I'm still dealing with medical issues and have yet to find an answer or solution to what's going on inside my body. And I haven't been showing how completely drained I am...mentally, physically, and emotionally just exhausted from everything day in and day out. Add classes to the mix. Great combination right? Such an exciting existence for a twenty year old. Guess I did ask for it...I chose my major, a stressful job, to play soccer...all of it.
I go through this every season it seems now; questioning why I am still playing...if I love the sport and if I love psychology. I always find my way back to the field and books but...one of these days I'll be ready to let go.
This post is dragging on...there is so much to say and so much that's been on my mind. I've come to the aid of a good friend several times in the last month because of stupid girls...constantly telling him how much better he deserves. He flipped the script on me; tried to start a relationship. I felt and still feel like a complete bitch for telling him no, telling him that our friendship is more important to me...that I'm just not attracted to him. Come to find out that this girl is still texting him and three other friends of mine. They all fell for it too. Seriously. Maybe I'm picky or too shy and not to sound like a high school lonely girl but goodness gracious WHY!? So many times I hear the complaints about sluts or mean girls...so many times I've been the shoulder to cry on for my boys. Where in the world did I cross that friend zone boundary with almost every boy I meet. It's absolutely frustrating. How people can treat one another with so much disrespect...how they can throw away perfectly good chances at relationships and then complain and expect sympathy that they are alone or got hurt. I don't understand it. I've been told I'm the kinda girl you take home to mom. Not the kind you date and have fun with no, the girl who was always your friend, hanging in the background helping you get through shit...the girl you marry.Sure as hell can't marry me if you won't take the time to open your eyes and give me a chance.
No comments:
Post a Comment