And there's no guarantee...that leaving town's gonna set us both free
But staying here it's just not what we need ...staying here it's just not what we need.
--At Full Speed, Jack's Mannequin
Had one of those days...couldn't get my head straight. Accidentally slept through work after getting something around 3 hours of sleep last night...had to be around people I just don't want to be around and now I can't sleep. It's midnight and my mind just won't shut off. I feel like I'm running and can't stop. I feel like I write and ramble about the same things over and over again on here...the same shit seems to get under my skin every time.
Am i really a terrible person if I don't associate myself with those who have no respect for themselves? Does that make me judgmental and a hypocrite? I realized tonight that these pathetic bitches are happy, they choose to live so much in the moment and care nothing about what the future holds...but they are always happy. They always have a friend around, someone to call, no worries about anything; they're always smiling. Am I wrong to think it's not fair? I'm happy with where I'm going with my future...happy with Kat and Nicky Garcia as two of my best friends...happy with Nick who gives me butterflies daily...but for some reason i feel disappointed about things in general. Let's be honest the whole soccer thing is something i'll never be okay with and the last two posts have been excited events that were fleeting moments of distraction. I'm still in what I call "escape mode". Trying to figure out who I am, what I want and with that intense need to just get away. Wish things would just figure themselves out already...these are the days I want to stay in bed and shut everything and everyone out.
Miss and love you nicky. AZ is just too far away.
Am i really a terrible person if I don't associate myself with those who have no respect for themselves? Does that make me judgmental and a hypocrite? I realized tonight that these pathetic bitches are happy, they choose to live so much in the moment and care nothing about what the future holds...but they are always happy. They always have a friend around, someone to call, no worries about anything; they're always smiling. Am I wrong to think it's not fair? I'm happy with where I'm going with my future...happy with Kat and Nicky Garcia as two of my best friends...happy with Nick who gives me butterflies daily...but for some reason i feel disappointed about things in general. Let's be honest the whole soccer thing is something i'll never be okay with and the last two posts have been excited events that were fleeting moments of distraction. I'm still in what I call "escape mode". Trying to figure out who I am, what I want and with that intense need to just get away. Wish things would just figure themselves out already...these are the days I want to stay in bed and shut everything and everyone out.
Miss and love you nicky. AZ is just too far away.
Though, for the record, even the girls that look happy and seem like they have no worries in the world probably still aren't happy and probably worry more than you'd think. The grass is always greener, right?
ReplyDeleteI've been such a bad blogger lately. Thanks for continuing to write. I like checking in. Hope things keep looking up, even if it isn't continuous.