it never lasts forever.

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.“ -Albus Dumbledore

for a few weeks there, everything was okay. workouts have gotten harder and better, soccer is finally picking up...summer is right around the corner. for a few weeks there were easier days, more smiles and more laughter. the distractions finally work, the pain isn't as noticeable. the sleepless nights are still there but are finally dreamless. but of course, it never lasts forever.

then it hits. the one night you let your guard down and the memories flood back. that particular song comes on and the tears well up, maybe not falling, but they're there. the only comfort there is, are those over sized clothes...even if the scent has entirely faded away. you can't help but ask yourself all the what if's, wonder when you'll see him again, fight the urge to let him know you're falling. all the hope in the world tells you that you'll be okay. but right now you can't see past the night that is before you. you can't bring yourself to talk, so you turn off the light and turn up the music.

and you let it down, you let it go, and just let the emotions flow. you just let the pain sink in again and hold onto that pillow, that monkey...you sleep in hoodie you can't bear to throw away. you sleep with the memories you never want to lose.


She's got a bumper like a billboard
Covered in stickers of her favorite bands
She's got a handful of records that she turns to
When she needs to land
She's a Saturday night parade through the streets
That all eyes come to see including me

She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets
She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it
Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul
That never rolls

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than Heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Just like Guinevere
Just like Guinevere

She don't hold onto nothin' new for very long
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale
and then you're gone
'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard
And no one gets to stay it's just too late
--Guinevere, Eli Young Band